sarahsaturday

Dear Sarah,

So I was dating this guy and he turned 17 a couple weeks after we started going out. My dad is really overprotective and tried to force me to end it, but I didn't. We secretly went out for another month and I fell in love with him. Then one day his brother gave me a note from him saying that he wanted to dump me.

The problem is: I'm almost 100% sure I'm still in love with him, which is insane because he tore out my heart and put it into a blender. I'm afraid that if I don't find some way to get him out of my mind, I'm going to do something that I will regret.

I had a dream about him last night. It was all so clear and it felt so real: we were at our church's New Year's party and I was telling him I'm still in love with him, and he told me he felt the same way and we kissed -- then I woke up! My plan is to tell him I still love him, at our church's New Year's party.

I need epic advice! HELP! Please! Is it a good idea to tell him, or should I just bury the whole thought of us where he buried my heart?

Submitted by: http://punkrockashton.buzznet.com

Dear Heartbroken,

I've definitely been through this before. We all have. Getting your heart broken is one of the most painful things you'll ever have to go through, and when you are the dumpee and not the dumper it can seem 100 times worse than it actually is, simply because you can't control the situation.

Now, I don't know what events led up to you getting the note from your ex's brother. But I do know that breaking up with someone in writing instead of in person is a really wussy thing to do -- plus, he didn't even have the guts to give you the note himself! So I'm already questioning this guy's character. Doesn't sound like the most stand-up guy to me!

Before you decide whether or not to profess your undying love to this dude, you need to figure out why he broke up with you in the first place. If he broke up with you over a fight or a wrongdoing of some kind -- for example, if you lied to him or if you guys were fighting a lot -- then there is a chance you could still work it out and get back together. But if he broke up with you for the simple reason that he didn't have the same feelings for you as you had for him, then there's not much you can do right now. You'll have to wait for him to come around and see how great you are and how much he regrets losing you, on his own time.

I would approach the conversation from a purely investigatory standpoint, rather than throwing yourself at his feet. Pull him aside at the New Year's party and tell him you just want to understand why he broke up with you. Ask if it was because he liked someone else, or if it was because you had done something to upset him. Ask him to be honest, and don't let yourself get upset, no matter what he says. If you act upset, defensive, or overly-emotional, you'll freak him out and he won't want to continue the conversation.

Once you think you've gotten a straight answer from him, tell him that you are really bummed that he ended things, and that you want to give the relationship a second chance. Be prepared for the worst (you might want to make sure you have a ride home in case you get upset and need to leave early) -- if he says no, leave it at that and walk away. If he says yes, then it's just a matter of figuring out what went wrong the first time so you can try to avoid it the second time.

The most important thing I can suggest is to really make sure you care about this guy as much as you think you do. When we get burned by someone we like, it is a huge blow to our egos and our pride. This can make us believe that we love the person, when we actually just feel scorned by them and maybe a bit embarrassed that they were able to hurt us so much. Being dumped puts us in a vulnerable position, and subconsciously we equate that vulnerability with longing or love.

One of my favorite quotes about love comes from the movie The Last Kiss: "What you feel only matters to you. It's what you do to the people you say you love, that's what matters. It's the only thing that counts."

I don't think this guy dumped you because he didn't think you loved him, so telling him you love him probably isn't going to change anything. You need to figure out why he wanted the end the relationship, then address that issue specifically. But first, you need to make absolutely sure (more than 100%) that this guy is right for you before you do anything else.

Remember: everything happens for a reason! Something will come of this that would never have happened otherwise. And even though it hurts a lot right now and you feel like you will never get through it, I can guarantee you that the pain will pass, and one day (much sooner than you think) you will be healed and ready to fall in love with someone new. I promise!

I hope it works out exactly the way it's supposed to...

Love,
Sarah