sarahsaturday

Raggy says: "Just get someone to give you treats and everything will be better!"

Dear Sarah,

Please help! I have this ex-friend who was my best friend for a massive five years. We were amazing. Everyone at school just knew that we would always be together. But six months ago, we fell out for the first and last time ever. I just don't know what I'm going to do! I love him so much and it hurts to know that he hates me. I did everything for him. I took the blame for his shoplifting, his fire alarm escapade, even his damn 'burn book'. Honestly, I'm still not over him. Please, I need to get over him! What should I do?

Yours sincerely,
Desperate Cupcake xo http://coreycupcake.buzznet.com

Dear Desperate Cupcake,

I'm really sorry you are hurting right now. I know how hard it is to lose someone you care about that much, and it is never quick or painless to get over them.

Without knowing the specifics of what happened to end your friendship, I'll have to suggest some general things you can do to get over the loss of the friendship, since it sounds like you are trying to get over him rather than mend things and become friends again?

First things first, get busy getting busy! Surround yourself with friends, family, and people you trust. Make plans to go out with friends and keep your weekends full of outings and errands and projects. The busier you are, the faster time will pass. And as they say, "time heals all wounds."

Second, work on finding peace with the situation. Any time we are hurting from the loss of a relationship that was important to us, we need to examine ourselves and find the silver lining -- the lesson to be learned. It's important that you come out of this a better, more complete, and more evolved version of yourself. So, write about your thoughts and feelings. Start a journal in a Word Doc and just write in it whenever you feel sad. Think about what went wrong in the relationship that brought it to an end. Go back and see if there were warning signs that you ignored, or if there were things you or your friend could have done differently to avoid the falling out.

Third, consider making amends. If, after analyzing the friendship and the way it ended, you realize that you were at least partly to blame, it might bring closure for you to admit your mistakes to your friend. If you don't necessarily want things to go back to the way they were, you can still apologize without trying to reconcile anything. Maybe write a letter and send it to him, or an email, or (if you are really brave) you can do it in person. And if you do want to make up and get your friendship back, this will be a great way to get that ball rolling.

However, if it was quite obviously his fault that you guys had a falling out, then you might have to wait for him to figure it out and be the one who steps up to apologize. This could take a long time, and there's a good chance it might not ever happen. Sometimes we never get the closure we crave. That doesn't mean that the person never figured out what they did wrong; it just means they didn't have the strength to admit their fault. So don't wait around for an apology. If he was to blame, and you know for sure that it wasn't you, then find peace in knowing that.

It sounds like you gave a lot to the friendship. Did you get that same amount of dedication, love, and sacrifice from your friend, in return? A friendship should be equal and balanced. If all this guy did was take, take, take, and he let you shoulder the blame and suffer the consequences for his actions, maybe he wasn't the type of person you would want in your life. Maybe he was a drain on your energy and your happiness, and you never realized it.

The bottom line is, in these types of situations there are only a few things you can do: (1) fill your time and your life with sources of happiness (friends, activities, books, projects, goals); (2) try to learn from it, find peace with it, and make yourself a better person; and (3) take it one moment at a time.

Remember that everything happens for a reason -- and we almost never know what that reason is until years later, when we look back and see the course that our lives took after that thing happened, and maybe because that thing happened.

Love,
Sarah