sarahsaturday

Dear Sarah,

Lately Ive been thinking a lot about my future. I live in South America and want to be in a band. Where I live, there is no possible way I can make a band and go on tour. I'm in singing classes so I can make my voice better and am raising money so that when I turn 16 I can exchange to USA and if possible make a band there where it's most acceptable. The thing is that my mother doesn't agree with my plans. I want to be a successful musician but my mother doesn't seem to understand that. What should I do about my mother? What can I do to make my goals realistic? Please help!

Submitted by: http://kmipaz.buzznet.com

Dear Stuck in South America,

You're already on the right track, by having goals, following your instincts, and making plans. So the question here is smart planning, and timing. I don't know at what age you are a legal adult in South America, but there is, of course, the argument that once you are of legal age, there's nothing your mom can really do to stop you.

However!!!

Having the love and support of your family in all your endeavors is a very powerful tool, one that I could not have lived without. Even when my mom thought I was making a mistake, she still trusted me enough because of our relationship to let me work it out. It might be worth it for you to really listen to your mother's opinions and consider them, and try to work with her on a plan that will make you both at least mildly satisfied for now. Sixteen is a pretty young age for anyone to pick up and relocate to another continent; I moved across the country when I was 19 and it was extremely overwhelming even at that age. I can't imagine uprooting myself at 16 to live somewhere so far away from home. So maybe you should start by asking your mom when she might be comfortable with you moving so far away, for good.

As for starting a band in the US and trying to "make it," I feel that it is my responsibility to remind you and everyone who reads this that the chance of that happening -- on the level you are imagining and hoping -- is less than 1%. More like 0.0000000001%. With the way the music industry is headed, putting all your eggs in the "start a band and get famous" basket is just not logical. It's almost a better approach to plan on NOT getting famous in a band, these days. I know so many talented, hardworking bands who have been touring relentlessly for years and years, who are still starving and broke with nowhere to live. It takes a lot of time, money, sacrifices, and work to get successful in a band these days -- and that still doesn't guarantee that you'll ever make more than you would at a decent office job. You have to do it because you love it, plain and simple.

Now, the question for YOU is, when and where to start. I think you should wait a few more years before making any drastic moves. There is a lot you can work on in that time. You need to keep taking singing classes, and work on learning an instrument or two, maybe take some lessons. Try writing some songs. Learn some music history and music theory. Read books about how the music industry works. Try recording some of your own songs. Figure out what style of music is best suited for your voice. Plus, you need to research options for moving to the US. School? A job? A one-way ticket with your savings account in your backpack? Where will you live? Do you know about that city? What types of jobs are available there? What kinds of bands live and play in that city? How will you afford rent? Will you need a car? Do you know what areas are safe to live in? Maybe you could find a summer internship that would allow you to visit for a few months to learn more about the city and make some friends there. Make lists! Lots and lots of lists!

While you are working on all of this planning, you should be saving every penny that you make, and perhaps most importantly, be working on communicating with your mom. Be open and honest with your mom about your ideas and plans, and try to take into consideration the things she says. Give her time to come around and see things from your point of view. She loves you and wants you to be happy, but it's also her job to protect you. So if you give her more time by sticking around a bit longer, working on a feasible plan for relocating, and keeping the lines of communication open with your mom, then at least you can say you tried.

Sometimes all that's left to do is go out and prove yourself to people, but it's always smarter to get them on your side if you can.

Love,
Sarah