sarahsaturday

Dear Sarah,

I have this friend that I like, but I don't know if he likes me back. My friend also likes him, and I don't know if he likes her either. He and I are good friends. We don't go to the same school, but we see each other almost every weekend. He and my friend never see each other. I kinda think he likes me back, but I also think he likes my friend. He's called me pretty before, but I'm just not convinced he likes me. What do you think I should do to try and figure out if he likes me or not? And what if I wanted to ask him out? I wouldn't want it to be weird, because we're pretty good friends. And how can I find out if he likes my friend instead of me?

Love,
Crushville, Population 3?

Dear Crushville,

I know these situations seem complicated and scary, but they're really not. You say you are really good 'friends' with this guy, but at the same time you have an enormous secret crush on him. So really, you're using the friendship as an excuse to get close to him. In that respect, you're not being totally honest with him, or yourself. Sometimes it seems worth it to keep our crushes to ourselves just to be around the object of our desire, but eventually the truth will comes out, or we get too frustrated about our pent-up feelings that we do something to lash out, which can ruin the friendship AND the potential relationship.

If you want to be sneaky about finding out who he likes, start asking him questions as if you were really just his 'friend' -- like, "So, are there any girls at your school that you are interested in?" or "How come you don't have a girlfriend, aren't there any cool girls at your school?" Be playful and light-hearted about the questions, so it doesn't seem awkward. You could even say, "What do you think about [insert your other friend's name here]? Do you think you would ever like her?" That would help you figure out how he feels about your other friend, who likes him.

How good of friends are you with the girl who also likes him? Have you two talked about this guy? Does she know that you like him too? You should definitely talk to her, and find out how serious she is about him. Maybe you should just tell her that you like him, and you know she likes him, so you two can figure out what to do about it. I've been in situations with friends where we both liked the same guy, and there's no easy way to go about it, but honesty is always the best route. Somebody's feelings are bound to get hurt in this situation, because crushes make us vulnerable. But if you are honest up front about it, the hurt feelings will heal a lot faster than if you're dishonest.

The quickest way out of a mess like this is to speak the truth. If you are honest with your crush about your feelings for him, the worst thing that can happen is that he doesn't like you back. That doesn't mean you can't be friends, it would just mean you'd have to get over those feelings in order to maintain a friendship. If you are honest with your friend about liking the same guy, the worst thing that can happen is that you get into an argument. But if your friendship is solid enough, and you try to see things from each other's point of view, you can easily resolve any argument and apologize for hurt feelings.

I say: Do a little investigative work and see if you can find out who this guy likes, first. Then, if you can't figure it out, just be honest with everyone involved. Prepare yourself for the worst, don't be defensive or stubborn, and remember that it's not the end of the world if a guy doesn't like you back.

Maybe it will turn out that he doesn't like you OR your friend, and the two of you can go see "He's Just Not That Into You" together and laugh/cry over popcorn and peanut M&Ms.

Love,
Sarah