sarahsaturday

Dear Sarah,

I dont really know anyone over the age of 18 who thinks what Im wanting to do isnt stupid and pointless, but I figured you of all people would understand.

Im managing my friends band right now, and I absolutely love it. Id probably spend all my time working on band stuff if I could. Problem is, I dont know what I want to do with my life after high school. Should I go to college when Im not sure where or what I would even go for? Or should I stick with the band thing after high school and try making my own way?

Apart from that, everything about being 17 is pretty lame. Im happiest when Im making phone calls concerning scheduling and recording. Ideas? Suggestions? Ways to NOT pull all my hair out? lol

Submitted by: http://mello4sure.buzznet.com


Dear Confused About College,

I can totally appreciate where youre coming from on this issue; when I was 17, I was in my first band, and all I wanted to do was play music and book shows and daydream about total world domination. I didnt have any desire to think about college, and I didnt think about it until the last possible second.

College is not for everyone. Just because a person goes to college, it doesnt mean theyll end up with a great job theyre passionate about. However, if you do know what you want to do, college can be an incredible tool that will jumpstart your career and help you land better positions than your degree-less counterparts. Even in the music industry, people who have college on their resumes will still have a much better chance getting jobs than those of us who didnt wear the cap and gown.

It sounds like you have found something you are passionate about. Youre extremely lucky; some people dont find something they love to do until they are much older than you are. However, your passion just happens to land on that fine line between art and science -- between a career path that requires more schooling and a career path that could develop organically with nothing but your mind and your will. It would be the same dilemma if you were passionate about writing, art, photography, or design: you dont necessarily NEED to go to college to pursue your passion, but if you get going on your own and then realize five or ten years from now that perhaps you should have at least taken a few classes, it could be really hard to try to back-peddle and start over.

Also, there is something to be said for going to college alongside people your own age, who are also trying to find the right path for their lives -- as opposed to being the only 30-year-old in a class of 18-year-olds.

Another thing to consider is who would be paying for your college -- if it would be you paying for it yourself, then the decision is all yours. If your parents were going to pay for some or all of it, they need to be taken into consideration and this should be a discussion that involves them as well.

In my case, I did end up going to college. It wasnt the "on-campus, dorm room, declare-your-major" college experience -- rather, it was the "take random classes, rent apartments off-campus, take every other semester off" college experience, until I dropped out after four years and five semesters to finally pursue music full-time.

But what I figured out in those four years, and what I would suggest to anyone in your shoes, is this: dont put all your eggs in one basket. When youre just getting out of high school and starting on the path towards total independence, there is a lot that is going to hit you all at once. Even though you are determined and excited, you still need to be prepared for lifes little challenges, like paying your bills and renting an apartment and putting gas in your car.

You can do what you love and pursue your goals while also going to school, working part-time, reading, networking, interning, and getting involved in your local scene to network with new people. Why not be a part-time student taking music management classes while interning at a management company and continuing to manage your friends band in your spare time? All you need is a waitressing job to pay the bills, and coffee to keep you going for 20 hours a day!

Until you know for sure exactly what path to take and how to make that path work (and make it pay your bills), you should try a little bit of everything and learn as much as you can. Make "going to college" mean "building a foundation in preparation for the day that you finally decide which way to go."

Love,
Sarah

Dear Sarah,

Have you ever had a sudden unexpected heartbreak? Any tips to cope with mine?

Submitted by: Anonymous


Dear Suddenly Heartbroken,

Yes, yes, yes, I have been exactly where you are right now. Millions of people are feeling the way youre feeling, at this very moment. You are not alone!

The difference between a sudden, unexpected heartbreak and a heartbreak you caused (or saw coming) is significant. When a relationship isnt working and slowly deteriorates until the only option is for one person to end it, both people see it coming. There is no surprise when you reach the end. That doesnt mean its not still heartbreaking, it just means it wasnt unexpected.

However, if you didnt see it coming, then somethings not right. The fact that this is unexpected means one of two things: either your ex was hiding something from you (and doing a damn fine job of it), or your ability to step outside a situation and be objective about it needs a lot of work.

First things first: Start a journal. Write in it every time you feel sad, and write for as long as you can until you either feel better or you wear yourself out. (Id suggest typing it on your computer so you can get the words out faster.) Write about how you feel, why you think you feel that way, what went wrong in the relationship, why you think it might have gone wrong, pros and cons of the relationship, what your ex did wrong, what you did wrong, etc. Putting your thoughts and feelings on paper and analyzing them is an incredible way to figure things out -- not only about what happened, but also about yourself as a person. Getting over a broken heart is one of the best and fastest ways to grow and develop as an individual.

Second: Surround yourself with friends and family. Stay busy. You dont have to deny your feelings or hide them when youre out doing stuff, but the more time you spend doing things with people who care about you, the easier it will be to get through the days.

Third: Take it one day at a time. There is no rush, and its important to let your heart heal on its own terms. Dont try to rush the process, or slow it down, just focus on today and dont worry about tomorrow or next week or a year from now. Repeat this line to yourself over and over: THIS, TOO, SHALL PASS. THIS, TOO, SHALL PASS. THIS, TOO, SHALL PASS. It will pass, trust me on this.

Fourth: Change your look. Get a new hairstyle. Go through your closet and get rid of some old clothes, then go shopping and buy a couple outfits in the latest trend. Changing something on the outside can help kick-start a change on the inside. (Note: Dont do anything permanent that you might regret later, like a bad tattoo.)

Fifth: Talk and listen. Whether its your mom, your brother, or your best friend -- find someone to talk to about your feelings. Get other peoples opinions about the relationship. Ask for input, advice, other points of view. Listen to what they say and absorb everything with an open mind. It took me a lot of years to realize that my close friends and family were always totally right about the guys I dated, and today I trust their instincts almost more than I trust my own. They are the ones who can be truly objective about what is right and good for you, so talk to them and listen to them.

Finally, remind yourself that there is a reason this happened. There is a reason you are going through this right now, and know that you will end up a much better person because of this experience. You were not meant to be with this person in the long-run, even if it is hard to convince your heart of that right now. When things dont work out, there is a reason for it. Its your job to discover that reason, admit to it, learn from it, and move on.

The more you do now to better yourself, the more your ex will regret ever losing you, and the bigger a catch youll be for the next person!

Love,
Sarah

Dear Sarah,

I seem to detest all the girls in my class. Does hating girls ever actually go away, should I just stick with the boys as my BFFs?

Submitted by: http://lilmisstaggart.buzznet.com


Dear Anti-Girls,

You sound a lot like I did all through my high school years. For some reason, girls hated me in high school and I had a very hard time finding any of them that I like, either. I did have a couple of close girl friends, but beyond that I spent a lot of time denying rumors that girls in my class would start.

I think part of the reason they didnt like me was that I was friends with a lot of guys and I had a lot of hobbies that involved hanging out with the "cool" guys in my class -- playing in a band, snowboarding, going to shows, etc. I think the girls were jealous that I was getting the attention, which is sad because it only showed their insecurities.

But I wasnt totally innocent either -- I didnt go out of my way to try to befriend very many girls in high school. I think its because they just werent that interesting to me. I didnt do drugs or drink and I was a virgin, so I didnt want to hang out with the slutty party girls. I didnt play sports after 9th grade, other than tennis, so I didnt hang with the jocks. The girls I liked were nerdy, artsy girls who seemed to be doing their own thing.

My high school was also extremely tiny -- my class only had about 200 kids in it. I dont know how big your school is, but Im sure if you look around you will be able to find a couple of introspective types that you could strike up a conversation with. Guys are definitely less catty and more chill, but be careful because guys tend to have secret crushes on their female friends, and thats part of their desire to spend time with you.

I used to think I just didnt like girls or get along with girls as a general rule, and that it would never change, and Id never find girls I liked and could form close friendships with. I had been burned by a few of my close girl friends during and right after high school, which only solidified my theory.

However, after I got out of the tiny pool of potential friends that is high school, and I branched out through college and moving to new cities and getting jobs in different places, I started to find more and more independent, intelligent girls who were actually interesting and fun to talk to. The more Ive matured over the years, and especially as I really got rolling in my career, I have developed surprisingly satisfying friendships with a lot of girls. And within the last few years Ive actually started having closer female friends than male friends -- something I swore was totally impossible.

So I would say to hang tight, be open-minded about the girls in your class, and appreciate the female friends that you do have. Once you get out of high school and start branching out on your own, you will definitely come across the types of girls with whom you can have intellectually-stimulatign conversations, and with whom you can share interests and hobbies. You may never find one single girl who encompasses all the ideal qualities you hope to find in a friend, you but will definitely find several friends who have the qualities that matter, and you will enjoy each of those friendships for what they are.

The next time youre in LA, call me up and Ill invite you to one of my all-girl dinner parties that we have once or twice a month!

Love,
Sarah